It’s been a year with no typing in the blog. I had developed a pretty amazing rhythm of blogging and parenting, and then the pandemic hit. I feel like here lately that’s been my overarching life theme: “… and then the pandemic hit.” I don’t love that life narrative, but it’s a collective grief that I know more than just me feels. It is also one that I hope to move out of a little more this year coming year.
I chose peace as my word for 2021.
Let’s catch up on 2021.
We were vaccinated ASAP, but there were so many variables still. At the time, we didn’t know if we could pass on anything while vaccinated. With the first variant we couldn’t, but by the time people started getting a little more comfy, Delta hit.
We did ALL the outdoor things. We picked strawberries, apples, and signed up for outdoor classes. We did outdoor soccer and dance, which Evie hated with a fiery passion, but I was trying to socialize her. While she hated those, we did farm classes where she was able to pet a baby chick and outdoor art. For a while, Evie would go around telling people she was an artist and it was really cute.
People’s lives became busier and I felt lonelier. We have now lived here longer during the pandemic than not. So much anxiety over: what risks can we take, and if we do take these risks am I isolating myself? We could sign up and pay for classes, but all community resources were still closed like the library story times (and they continue to be still now).
I finally come to the decision that I was really isolated anyway, and we made the decision to go back to church.
COVID-19
I was so excited to be back at church, happy to feel like I could fill more social rungs in my life, but then we had Delta by week two of attending (Evie was asymptomatic after the first week back). I began asking around and found out the family behind us in the chapel tested positive, but did not contact trace. We quarantined, and my renewed vigor for returning to society had deflated. After a whole pandemic of eating out three times and going to church twice, we had covid-19, which was scary since I was on immunosuppressants.
For three weeks, I went from having extreme fatigue, pain, and body aches to the third week having extreme fatigue and a lot of wheezing. Writing this months later though, I can say that my body has dealt with a lot more inflammation post-covid. I have dealt with months of my thyroid medication not being properly absorbed due to inflammation, and it STILL isn’t right.
People were so incredibly kind though. My phone was blowing up with people requesting to bring us meals, people let us borrow their backyards to play with Evie (we live in a townhome and usually use community green space), and people just dropped off nice things like flowers and chocolate croissants. People can be really awesome. Also, going to church twice helped me connect with some new people at church, and we’ve had some sporadic playdates.
Finland
Immediately following our quarantine, Devin’s mom came in town to watch Evie. We YOLOed post-vaccine and post-covid to board a plane for an international flight to Finland. We went back and forth for months about buying tickets, but I knew I would really regret not seeing Selja’s wedding. It turns out, the pandemic isn’t awful everywhere. People were fabulous at masking in Finland, there is outdoor eating everywhere, and the weather was perfect. I’m really happy we went. I’m happy we had some time to ourselves. I’m happy I saw their wedding. Really, the whole trip could just be defined as happy.
Our trip was the most joy bringing and favorite international trip we have ever done.
Preschool + the gym
Preschool was kind of a nightmare. My gut told me to pull her the second day of school, and I should have. We lasted until November when the teacher told me she had her in time out for a hour; the preschool day was only 2.5 hours. I apologized to Evie for continuing to send her there because other people were having positive experiences, when it wasn’t her experience.
I racked my head because everyone is always so busy here, and now my schedule was REALLY free. I signed up for the gym that kept me going postpartum. It has been needed self care + really helpful. Evie has had a completely different behavior report through the organized classes they have for them and loves free playing. Its helped my mama heart to see her thriving. So far, she has done tumbling, ballet, arts and crafts classes through the gym.
Preschool helped us make some more friends who live nearby and are the same age as Evie. I’ve loved going back to the gym, and Evie is the age now where it’s a lot easier to do activities together.
Evie’s birthday + the holidays
We were miraculously blessed with a 60 degree December day! We had Evie’s third birthday outside, surrounded by friends we have met from church, preschool, from mom groups, from college, and from our neighborhood. Evie had the best time, but it was so live giving for me to see our community; the last time we experienced something like this was Evie’s first birthday party.
Devin’s mom let us have an anniversary trip for our 11th year of marriage, because she is awesome like that! We ended up having one of the best holidays on the books and I came into the near year excited feeling rested and happy.
In conclusion…
2021 wasn’t the year I pictured vaccinated- a normal one, but it was one that pushed me. We have a community, but with how busy people are and different precaution levels, it just isn’t always very available. Regardless of availability, I have some really genuine friends that bring me joy though, and I know this is something I really hoped for when we lived in Georgia. My relationships are fulfilling and drama free and it’s fabulous. I continued therapy and started seeing some real improvements in how my nervous system responds to triggers.
I saw my little girl turn from a toddler to a sweet little girl. I saw Devin get promoted, maintain healthy work boundaries, and support me through my medical issues. I read a lot.
Outside of my health issues, my life is simple and calm right now. Sometimes, too simple? The most basic things make me excited now because the pandemic has stripped back so much. It brought me a lot of joy to look through pictures from 2021 and see the sweet memories we’ve made together; when my head feels full, these are the things I forget first. I’m grateful for the things I’ve learned, healed, and the relationships I’ve built and maintained. 2021 was more about survival than peace, but in 2022 I will be investing in myself again.