My birthday posts used to be prompt. I had them scheduled to the day, with photos. This post is late and I haven’t pulled my camera out in a while. My baby is napping in the room next to ours while I type this. When she wakes up, we’ll be hosting a baby play group for her little friends and I’m lucky to be surrounded by such a great community of mamas.
This year has been all about new rhythms in my life. I don’t recognize my life from this time last year, but I am in love with it.
New house.
New city.
New member of our family.
I feel like we’ve been given a lot. Our life is far from perfect, but it is happy. These are a few of the things I’m really proud of from the past year.
I have been blessed with a lot of great friends.
I met friends here through a lot of facebook groups. I felt like such a dweeb posting online that we just moved here and I wanted to make friends, but so many people responded with things for me to do or people to meet that I felt encouraged. I was so nervous to start showing up to mom’s groups, but I just kept showing up and they were really nice.
After a few months, I began opening up about some of my experiences that haven’t been fun. I don’t feel judged and it is inspiring that many of my friends share their own similar experiences and I see them thriving. On the flip side, we can talk about a variety of topics that make me snort when I laugh and I get amazing tips. I’m currently involved in more group texts than I had close friends in Georgia and that is wild. I felt I was really missing out on the sisterhood dynamic I longed for for years.
I’m in a great book club that meets every month… with people who actually read the books.
I have amazing friends in Georgia that I’ve kept in touch with who will always be flowers to me, but I’m also so grateful to have a bigger garden here. I’m still getting to know my church community because we’re in a different phase of life than most people (there is only one other baby at church!!!), but I was shocked when people threw me a birthday party and dropped off little presents and treats for me all throughout my day.
I really love where we live and owning a town home, a lot.
I found something I had written in January of 2018 about where I hoped to live someday. Guess what? That place exists. I didn’t know it did, but I’m living there. I talk about the following hopes below here.
If we move, we’d like to live somewhere smaller than Atlanta. We’ve visited a lot of different places, but what always comes to mind for me is somewhere that has amazing sidewalks + has a lot green space. I would love to live somewhere that has less mosquitoes, less traffic, and better city planning. I would love to live where I can see fields again, but having a short commute for Devin is a high priority for me, and I understand that most of these things probably won’t happen together.
What I do know is that I want more of a sense of community than I feel here right now in the next decade. I feel like we’re maybe slowly building it, but us not having children causes a large disconnect from relating to people at church. I feel like other factors with our lifestyle cause a disconnect outside of church: we don’t drink, we don’t spend much, a lot of Devin’s time is spent at working, and a lot of our free time together is spent at church. I’m hopeful of wherever we live that this will improve.
God is good. Additionally, I really just love living in a town home. We know more neighbors here than we did in the six years we lived in Georgia, I love the trails and play grounds, and I really love the minimal yard work we have.
Individuality can still be nurtured in young motherhood.
I used to go to the gym to get some alone time, but now that her naps are so consistent I am actually going to be canceling my membership because childcare isn’t available mid-day when she is awake. I’ll be doing an exercise streaming service until she goes down to one nap probably. I love when my bright eyed girl is awake, but I’ve also appreciated having the time to myself while she sleeps.
During her nap time, I usually clean, food prep, listen to audio books, or take a nap when it is needed. I listen to church talks throughout the day. I’ve listened to a ridiculous amount of audiobooks from the library.
I still blog, although, less frequently. I’m okay with living more life and writing less about it though. I’m still trying to figure out the rhythm for blogging, but I knew I needed to type this one up because I do miss it.
I will do anything for my child.
While I expected many things from parenthood, like sleep deprivation, nothing could have prepared me for colic. I’d spend hours in the middle of the night walking in our dark house holding little Evie. She screamed her head off for hours refusing food, sleep, and comfort. When family was in town, they would take turns trying to comfort her at night so we could get any sleep. After they left, sleep became rarer and rarer while her colic became worse and worse. Devin helped, but neither one of us have ever functioned on that little of sleep for that long.
I had multiple painful infections at the same time. I had massive thyroid issues. I’ve had seizures which caused slipped discs and a concussion. I was still healing from my third degree tear (honestly, I think I still am). I was becoming completely delirious. I’m grateful my doctors figured everything out so I could start recovering and be back to myself.
I don’t regret this introduction to parenthood because it let me know that I sincerely will do anything for my baby, even when I’m completely losing it because my body is starting to shut down, but I wouldn’t want to repeat this experience. I’ve discussed my experiences extensively in therapy and with a lot of specialists. I honestly still have nightmares from everything, but I’m so grateful to be healthy and well. I’m grateful for such a healthy girl and I am happy to say that colic is no indicator of personality. Evie is the happiest little baby. She has such a charming personality and she makes us laugh a lot. I’m grateful to be her mama and I feel lucky she is ours. Evelyn has brought a whole new world to me of simplicity, happiness, and joy. She has helped me meet so many people, organize my time more efficiently, and I love seeing Devin be her dad.
I chose the word courage for myself this year. It takes courage to completely be yourself when you feel that has been rejected over and over. It takes courage just to show up, but my baby girl gave that to me because I wanted the best for her.
I feel like I’ve just been accepted for being Autumn again. It’s nice. That’s the best birthday present I could ask for.