Choosing a word of the year has been a tradition of mine for most of my married life. I have always looked forward to picking a word to set my intentions and goals around and I’ve loved seeing how the word has shaped to the year I do have. This is my year in review for my word bloom in 2018.
RELATED // my free ebook and resources on choosing your word of the year
MY YEAR IN REVIEW
I felt my word of the year would be more location centered being that it was bloom. I wanted to feel more settled where we lived in Georgia and develop more of a community.
What ended up happening instead was a little different than expected. I reviewed some of my thoughts in my very brief youtube series and realized blooming ended up meaning something entirely different for me.
This year was emotionally challenging and I had to dig really deep and and just give myself a lot of space from people and the internet. Pregnancy left me with little time feeling well, I had a lot of emotional things pop up, and I had some anxiety with Devin job hunting. As Devin’s job hunt kept extending, I realized we could potentially move when I was very far along (which we did haha); we ended up 10 hours away from Atlanta to the DC metro at 35 weeks pregnant and then having our sweet girl.
I found a lot of comfort in the scriptures, church talks, and in this Mary Oliver poem:
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life that you could save.
With the hard that was this year, I learned to kill the part of me that is interested in people pleasing. Is there anxiety there sometimes? Definitely, but I made some bold moves. Blooming ended up having nothing to do about where I lived at all; it actually had more to do with what behavior I would allow and accept.
There have been moments where Devin has mentioned a few times that have I entered my role as momma bear phase with gusto, but then I realized that actually this isn’t a phase at all; this is just me now. The truth is, in 2018, I learned that I can do anything and preparing to be a Mom has empowered me to do that. I’m proud of my year in review, of how far I have come, and the challenges that I’ve overcome.
2018 was the year that I turned 30, I became a Mom, and the part of me that cares more about compliance than myself died. It has been different than I expected, but it was needed. I never thought the year would take me the route it has, but I am forever grateful.
♥♥♥