People have no problem sharing their high points, their glamorous vacation pictures, or the times where their house was clean. However, it is harder to share our lows that often leave us feeling vulnerable and open.
I recently shared this post celebrating, but also sharing some grief I’ve had about my sister. I was never open about my experiences with her until she passed away because I didn’t want to tell her story and I didn’t want people to judge or shame her. Honestly, almost all of my healing has happened after her passing. The ups and downs of discussing trauma and reliving it are difficult, but I don’t share them to have anyone feel sorry for me (or because I feel sorry for myself). I honestly think that it is just something I experienced and more people than I know can relate to it; I think there is something really beautiful and power in relating to someone else.
RELATED // tell your own story and see the good in it
I had so many people reach out with their own situations after posting about my sister and myself. From “I have a sibling with psychiatric illness too” to “I have a sibling in jail” or “I often felt like an only child growing up.” So many things that people shared with me were things I had previously felt very alone in. It was eye opening that the people I casually or more intimately know had similar situations. On one hand, it made me feel relief, but then there was this other part of me that felt sad. Who wants someone else to share or experience the same grief that they had?
So often, we feel lonely in our human experiences that are the very things that help shape us into so many of our gifts and strengths. I’m not afraid of those growing experiences and I’m not ashamed of sharing them. Although I can feel emotional sometimes discussing my experiences, I think there is value in sharing the experiences we sometimes have behind closed doors.
I think secrecy often holds hands with dysfunction. Keeping everything to ourselves allows us to hide our feelings and isolate ourselves further from treatment, help, friendship, or vulnerability. I’ve found the people who would judge me for sharing in an appropriate setting aren’t people I would want around myself anyway. I’ve seen paradigms shift because of things I have been candid about.
Additionally, my life has been blessed from people who share.
My first thoughts of wanting to go to therapy were after reading about someone whom I considered normal going. Admittedly, at the time, I thought only very broken people went to a counselor. Helloooo! I go to therapy and I have an anxiety disorder.
My first thoughts of wanting medication were because someone who seemed to have everything together told me about her experience with anxiety and how life changing it was. Medication has been life changing for me too.
I could keep going, but people being open enough to share their highs and lows with me has been such an extension of love from themselves. I have so much gratitude for the people who have shared things with me and changed my life sometimes without even knowing it!
I was in my yard this past week and these thoughts came to my mind. I wanted to share them with you.
Y’all, these little violets are weeds.
The first landscape professional that came to our house said: “you’re never going to get rid of those wild violets. They are the worst weed ever. They will pop up forever and you’ll never have a perfect lawn. You can pay a lot of money and I’ll spray them down every month. Maybe eventually, no one will ever know you even had them! You could have a perfect lawn.”
I started laughing and told him that was fine because they are honestly kind of pretty.
We all have weeds in our yard. Some are pretty like this and some are poisonous like the hairy poison ivy vines that try to wrap around our trees. I remove the destructive and poisonous weeds, but I have no shame for the weeds in my yard that add depth and some color. Some people would rather fully eradicate all weeds and that is totally fine, but let’s be honest, all mature plants started out as weeds somehow anyway.
There are strengths and beauty that come from our low and sad points. I’ve never aimed for a perfect yard or a perfect life, but I do want people to know: it is totally okay to be a human. It is totally okay to have weaknesses. It is okay to have trauma. It is okay to work on yourself and it is okay to share your the highs and lows.