2020 was completely unexpected.
I went from a place where I felt like I was really building community (we moved here in 2018 right before Evie was born) to wondering how we were going to meet any of our social needs while being safe. I ironically chose the word STRENGTH and I ended up with another autoimmune diagnosis, a hospital stay, being on steroids for a few months (hellllo moon face!), and will likely be on immunosuppressants for the rest of my life. It is understandable why I chose the word for 2021 that I have.
Peace.
That’s my word for the year.
I’ll type it again: peace.
The day I was sitting down to type out this post, the events at the capitol took place. We had an outdoor playdate planned, and I put my phone down as soon as Evie woke up so I wouldn’t work myself into a panic attack. We put on our weather gear to spend time outside. We live an hour outside of Washington DC; I can tell you that as shocking as the events were that happened, the fact that a man was able to roam around shirtless when it was that cold continues to demonstrate the insanity of that day.
As soon as Evie was in bed, I went to read the news and become updated on everything happening, and it just made me very happy to have the focus of being a mom. Evie gives me a lot of purpose and fulfillment that I hadn’t previously found. I admire and I love how she is fully present in whatever she is doing. My friend and I discussed the events when our girls were running around and it made me grateful for the example of a toddler. Evie radiates joy. She feels emotion through her whole body and out her face. I love how she is constantly her authentic self and people are naturally so drawn to her.
Evie, and children in general, notice the space around them and how it feels. We work very hard on providing her a happy and stimulating environment and the same should be said of my head space. I should be nurturing an inner environment that allows peace to grow.
As things have calmed down, I’m ready to come back to regular life. I’m ready to come back to regular blogging.
I’ll be honest that I’m craving more variety, more purpose, and obviously… more peace. As the pandemic continues on, we’ve definitely been more and more careful. I qualify for the vaccine now here in Virginia, but there is a 2-3 month wait due to shortage. If 2020 taught us anything about life, it is that very little is predictable or in our control. However, it makes the space in my head much more obvious. Even when our world can feel kind of small right now, my head often feels very big and loud sometimes.
I’ve been picking up our house and reorganizing it more. I’ve been ordering clothes for myself for the first time since the pandemic happened and have been trying to get ready everyday again. I’ve been cooking more and trying to exercise. I found a good 2-4 pre-school curriculum for Evie.
I want to focus on routine and being more intentional in my day because it brings me peace.
In 2021,
- I want simple joys and less time reading the news.
- I want more time being completely focused and present with Evie.
- I want to enjoy the people I am with without other concerns.
- I want to enjoy my headspace more.