I have been reading Rachel Dawson’s blog for a few years, and I loved her post this year on what she has learned from going to weekly counseling for a year. In November, it was my two years of counseling anniversary, and I thought I would share lessons I have learned from regular counseling as well. This is something that has been on my mind here lately with seeing new doctors in a new city; it is a routine question to be asked why I have PTSD, and what my treatment plan is. Counseling is a part of that treatment plan for me that has benefited me immensely!
These are some of the things I have experienced and learned after two years of counseling (consistently). I’m grateful I took the leap of faith, because it definitely is one, and I’m happy to share my experiences with you.
MY COUNSELING HISTORY
I asked to go to counseling a few times in high school, but it never actually happened. In college, I went to a counseling session once and ended up never scheduling an appointment again after that. In retrospect, the counselor wasn’t a good fit for me, she wasn’t entirely appropriate, and I had made the generalization that maybe counseling just wasn’t. My counselor began crying in my session and she spent a lot of time nagging me. I came out feeling pitied and frankly annoyed. It wasn’t until we moved to Georgia that I sought it out again.
When we first moved to Georgia in 2012, it was a pretty rough time. My husband was always traveling for work, I struggled finding any employment, I had a hard time fitting in/ making friends at church, my sister’s mental health was escalating, and then I was hit in a series of car wrecks that all left me with injuries. I felt like I was having an existential crisis from all of it and I also was wondering “what in the world do I do with my life?” when I realized my chosen vocation wasn’t enjoyable… and apparently, not readily employable like I thought either. I began going to counseling, and without a lot of pomp and circumstance, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I honestly already knew I had PTSD, but I hadn’t spent a lot of time delving into what that meant.
I liked my counselor, but I stopped going because once I did find a job, it was really hard to get appointments. Beyond that, I spent about two years in physical therapy from car wreck injuries and it was impossible with those conditions to take care of my physical health without letting my mental health slide. I tried out a new counselor recommended to people I knew, but it was obvious she had a bias with my religion, and she told me that this kind of stuff wouldn’t have happened in the school district where we lived/ I taught; I only went to see her once.
I began grad school and a lot of my anxieties subsided, until let’s be honest, they didn’t. After graduating from grad school, struggling to find employment again, being diagnosed with my autoimmune issues, and developing an anxiety tic, I decided I couldn’t put it off and began going to counseling again.
In November 2016, I showed up for my first of many counseling appointments with my counselor M. She was my first counselor I saw in Georgia, but stopped going to due to time conflicts with my physical therapy. She now co-owned a practice and had a lot of time availability. I began a part-time job teaching ESL and my schedule was finally really consistent. I delved in and haven’t stopped going since. Some months I go once a month, and others, I go weekly when there are a lot of stressors.
WHAT HELPED ME GO
People’s openness about going to therapy and why it helped them; this is also a large part in why I talk about my mental health. I realized a lot of people I admired went to counseling and it helped me remove stigma on it that I had previously encountered with it. I also realized that I felt life should feel easier than what it currently did.
I didn’t have the tools to know how to improve things, I didn’t know where to begin, but I felt pretty depressed and hopeless and I knew that I deserved better for myself (and frankly, so did my marriage and future family).
THE STIGMA IS REAL
There should be NO stigma to going to counseling, taking medication, or having a mental health disorder. However, the truth is, there is. I have answered questions about going to counseling from people that you would least except it from, I have recommended counselors to so many people after they have asked, and I feel no shame in telling people “I go to counseling because I love myself and I like growing as a person.”
I’ve been told a gamut of things like “you should consider adoption with your physical and mental health issues” to being publicly slammed about a private conversation I had where I suggested medication for someone; I was told “you just think everyone should be drugged up and band aided for their problems.”
Since mental health services are something I believe in so much, I’ve often found that the people who heavily stigmatize it and I don’t easily connect anyway (and that’s okay). Despite this, I’m still open in the appropriate setting; for me, this is usually a private one on one setting where the discussion has already begun. I do think people need someone there to ask questions if they feel it would benefit them sometimes because I did! I also am open because I personally have benefited people being open about their journeys with me!
WHAT MY SESSIONS LOOK LIKE
I do one on one sessions in person. Now, since we have moved, I do online sessions since my counselor was open with that. I’ve also gone to one support group that I really enjoyed prior to moving from Georgia. I really enjoyed the ladies I met there and really looked forward to it every week!
Sometimes my counseling sessions look like getting book recommendations, hearing about how different family systems and theories work, and sometimes they just look like me emotionally vomiting everything I have been dealing with so I can have a good cry and have some relief.
Did I trust my counselor or click immediately with her? Honestly, no. While I have always been a very candid communicator with her, I felt like it took a solid year before I didn’t feel like a nut job (my own issue, not something she made me feel) coming in and telling her everything.
HOW I HAVE BENEFITED FROM COUNSELING
- I’m able to understand my mental health disorder better.
- I am able to have a neutral person point out patterns in my life that I haven’t recognized myself.
- I feel more confident setting boundaries for myself in how I allow people to treat me.
- I have a cheerleader who I can ask to help me understand unfilled needs I have. For example, sometimes I might come in and say “I’m having a hard time with ______. How would you respond in this situation with _____? Am I being unrealistic?”
- I am able to have resources that help me deal with problems I have.
- It helps me be more emotionally self-reliant, have more humor in my life, and feel calmer.
- After a few months, I noticed I had completely stopped chewing my nails; I have done this my whole life! I’ve never had the desire to do it again.
- I genuinely like my counselor as a person and enjoy seeing her. I trust her and I feel very loved and uplifted seeing her. Counselors very rarely share their own personal experiences, but in times that I have asked, I always end up relating to her/ admiring her.
I firmly believe that is okay to share your highs and lows. Mental health is a real part of life, and while I may keep the specific details of my own PTSD traumas and triggers private, I didn’t cause this disorder for myself and I certainly didn’t deserve the traumas that led to it either. However, I view my own studies of mental health, counseling, etc. as a way for me to have the best life possible. Do I believe you have to have a mental health disorder to go to counseling? Absolutely not! However, I do think that everyone could find something that benefits them from counseling, especially if they find the right counselor.
I’d love to answer any of your questions on the topic or hear your own experiences about going to counseling. I definitely think there is power in sharing! 💛💛